The Day I Realised I Was Giving My Inner Power Away

There was a period towards the end of 2021 where I remember feeling completely exhausted. It wasn’t the kind of exhaustion that sleep could fix. It was a deeper kind of tiredness. The kind that settles into your bones when you've been carrying too much for too long.

At the time, I was questioning so many parts of my life. My identity, my relationships, my work and the person I had become. I was also doing a lot of inner healing and spending time working on my solar plexus chakra, the energy centre often associated with personal power, confidence, boundaries and self-worth.

And as I began reconnecting with myself, I started to see all the ways I had been giving my power away. It was hidden inside everyday moments that I had normalised for years.

I became aware of the tables I was sitting at where I constantly felt small. Conversations where comments disguised as jokes would leave a sting long after everyone else had laughed. Moments where I wanted to speak up but convinced myself I was being too sensitive.

So I stayed quiet.

I became aware of how often I absorbed other people's emotions. At work, there were times colleagues would unload their frustrations onto me when they were having a bad day. I would listen, try to understand, make excuses for their behaviour and accept their apologies afterwards.

But underneath it all, something wasn't sitting right. I realised I wasn't honouring how those interactions were affecting me. I was so focused on understanding everyone else that I wasn't protecting myself.

And slowly, I began to see how much of my energy was being spent managing the feelings, reactions and expectations of other people.

The deeper I looked, the more I noticed.

I noticed friendships where I was over-giving.

Connections where I could spend hours listening, supporting and holding space, while very little curiosity was ever directed back towards me.

I noticed situations where I was constantly walking on eggshells around unpredictable behaviour simply because I had convinced myself that was easier than addressing it.

And eventually something inside me reached a point where it could no longer continue in the same way.

So I started making changes. I began saying no. I started pulling my energy back from situations that left me depleted.

Some friendships became more distant. Some relationships changed completely. Some ended altogether.

And for the first time, I started standing up for myself in places where I had spent years staying quiet.

But what nobody talks about enough, though, is what can happen next…

The backlash and the discomfort.

The way some people respond when the version of you they've grown comfortable with begins to change.

Sometimes when you finally speak up, your words get twisted.

Sometimes a healthy boundary is treated like an attack.

Sometimes people become upset because your new boundaries no longer allow them the same access to your energy.

I remember how difficult it was not to retreat back into old patterns. To not over-explain or over-apologise. To not make myself smaller again so everyone else could feel comfortable.

There is a quote I heard years ago that stayed with me:

"The people who react the strongest to your boundaries are often the people who benefited the most from you not having any."

While every situation is different, there was a lot of truth in that for me.

Because reclaiming your power isn't always a graceful process.

Sometimes it looks like disappointing people. Sometimes it looks like being misunderstood. Sometimes it means letting go of an identity you've carried for years.

The identity of being the easy-going one, the understanding one, the people-pleaser and the one who keeps the peace no matter the cost.

But little by little, I learned that protecting my peace didn't make me selfish. Having boundaries didn't make me unkind.

And standing in my power didn't mean controlling others. It simply meant returning to myself.

So this week, I'd love to leave you with a gentle reflection:

Where might you be giving your power away?

Maybe it's through people-pleasing.

Maybe it's through staying silent when something doesn't feel right.

Maybe it's through constantly seeking permission, validation or approval from others.

Or maybe it's somewhere you haven't noticed yet.

There is no judgment in the answer, only awareness. And awareness is often where change begins.

💌 Enjoyed this story?

Sunday Love Letters is my weekly email for the souls rebuilding their lives from the inside out. Every Sunday, I share personal stories, reflections and lessons from my own journey through healing, growth, spirituality, and starting over. Join the Sunday Love Letters and receive a gentle note delivered to your inbox each week.

The Day I Realised I Was Giving My Power Away: Image Source: Unsplash By Sixteen Miles